


Mistakes Were Made

by sunaddicted



Series: The way you said "I love you" [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Study, Depression, F/M, Family Drama, Family Feels, Gen, Guilt, Post-Canon, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Post-War, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22019542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunaddicted/pseuds/sunaddicted
Summary: What Lucius wanted to say was "I'm sorry"What came out of Lucius' mouth was "I love you"
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Lucius Malfoy & Narcissa Black Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Series: The way you said "I love you" [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573432
Kudos: 25





	Mistakes Were Made

**Author's Note:**

> "as an apology"

_Mistakes Were Made_

Lucius Malfoy had done so many things wrong that he couldn't even remember them all - mainly because he didn't like admitting he had been wrong in the first place so, he had become very good at repressing the memories of any wrongdoings.

He excelled at it, really. 

However, he couldn't keep burying his head under the sand when it came to his family; he loved Narcissa and he loved Draco, they mattered more to him than all the power and riches he had accumulated over the years - why hadn't he been able to show them, then? He had stayed with the Dark Lord even when it had become evident that the man was just... _mad_.

Lucius had been afraid, of course.

He knew only one person who hadn't been afraid of the Dark Lord and that had been Bellatrix, who could have been described as unstable at least and deranged at most - his fear had been completely justifiable and healthy: Lucius wasn't ashamed of it.

What he was ashamed of was his apparent inability to go beyond the fear - to fight against it in order to take his life back in hand and protect his wife and son from the darkness, teeming amidst the walls of their home that had been turned from a sanctuary to a prison of luxury. He had been a coward and his family had paid the price - a too high price: his son had been marked for the rest of his life and his wife had been forced to live in constant fear, surrounded every day by the worst kind of people he could have ever introduced to her.

Those weren't the kind of wrongs Lucius could forget, nor were they the kind he could expect them to forgive. 

Lucius hadn't been surprised when his interactions with Draco had grown cold - well, _colder_ \- and his son had seemed more unreachable than ever before; they had had their incomprehensions, it was inevitable: they were wildly different individuals, from different generations, but they had always managed to eventually build a bridge. To communicate and embrace one another. Now, it was evident that Draco didn't wish to build a bridge at all and Lucius knew he had no one else but himself to blame: he respected his son's need for space and the seemingly insurmountable walls he had put up, hoping that one day he would be allowed to get past them.

Draco needed time. 

So did Narcissa.

Lucius looked around the guest room he had moved to since after the trials; it was just as luxurious as the master bedroom, if not more since it was designed to impress any visitors and it was lacking the simplicity of style Narcissa preferred for their personal living quarters. It was nothing like Azkaban - it wasn't a squalid and horrid prison: it still felt like one but it didn't matter, did it? Just like Draco had made him understand he needed the space, his wife had openly asked for it and despite popular belief, Lucius had never forced Narcissa into anything.

Not even marriage.

They had gotten married for love, an admittedly rare feat amongst the circles the moved in - possibly losing a wife he truly loved hurt more than Lucius could allow himself to feel if he wanted to stay sane, in order to heal and start mending the bonds his greed and cowardice had ruined. 

"Come in" Lucius cleared his throat "Come in" he repeated, louder.

Narcissa peeked inside the room - pallid and tired, the ugly markings of the stress and anxiety she had had to endure for the past years still etched on her face; those feelings hadn't disappeared, their focus had only switched from the War to her husband and son "The new batch of Dreamless Sleep has been screened" Lucius' house arrest meant that even the most basic, school-grade potion had to be checked for anything even remotely suspicious "I brought you a vial"

"Thank you" he swallowed, eyes trained on the way she didn't dare to cross the threshold of the guest room "You didn't have to" not when it was so evident that she didn't want to be there - that she didn't want to talk to him, let alone have to look at him in the face.

She shrugged and when it became evident that Lucius wasn't going to stand up from the bed, she went to him. Narcissa carefully put the vial down on the bedside table, next to a book she was sure Lucius had put there more for the comfort of the illusion of a normal life, rather than for reading; still, she picked it up and studied it idly "Did you ever read it?"

"No"

"You wouldn't like it"

"Why?"

"The husband is a cheating bastard"

"You're right, then" Lucius wasn't naïve, he was well aware that there were plenty of husbands who didn't love their wifes - still, he found it unacceptable that they would cheat on them and humiliate them in such a way when they had perfectly functioning hands that could do the job.

But was his betrayal any less disgusting?

"How are you doing?"

"Alright. You?"

Narcissa shrugged: alright was the best any of the could do, wasn't it? She really didn't know why she had asked such a silly question "I'm okay"

What Lucius wanted to say was "I'm sorry"

What came out of Lucius' mouth was "I love you"

The words were left hanging in the air between them like crystallized water and he had to wonder about whether she would say those words back - she had, during the War.

Maybe it had been to keep him alive, to ensure that he would keep soldering through rather than giving up.

"I love you too, Lucius"

There it was, the breath of fresh air - the relief that went to his head like a rush of adrenaline, causing a visible collapse of the tension in his spine: as long as Narcissa loved him, Lucius would keep hoping that one day she would forgive him.   
  



End file.
